Thinking about addiction…
I suppose that, if I had also quit smoking pot, I might have been more successful. The first boy I ever loved is the first person whoever offered me pot that I accepted. It was laced with opium, and afterwards, I sat on his sofa and watched two episodes of Outer Limits followed by watching him and three other guys shoot a Coca-cola can with a blow gun…a real freaking blow gun with barbed darts and everything…for two straight hours. My head felt like Mr. Mackey’s in that episode of
where he does drugs and his head becomes a giant balloon that floats around in the breeze. The only other pot experience I had of that caliber was when I took two hits off a pipe with a chip of a hash bar. OMG. I think I stared at my friend’s dog and giggled for three hours. My only contribution to the conversation was, “What? Shut the fuck up.” South Park
Pot replaced booze. With the pot came the migraines. Once I finally quit smoking weed, my migraines almost completely stopped. I didn’t quit smoking cigarettes until I was 29. And after all the previous tries, what did it for me was seeing a student of mine, who was actually 2 years older than me, hacking up a lung outside the math building before he wheezed his way into my classroom. Once the nicotine was out of my system, the migraines stopped completely.
1) I have a somewhat addictive personality
2) I am too high-strung for uppers
3) I am too paranoid to completely relinquish control of myself to something else, especially since I know how I strongly I used to react to certain people when all my protective barriers were down.
But, what it all came down to in the end was that I made the decision to live in the real world with as few influences on my consciousness as possible, even influences that came from inside me of which I wasn’t really aware.