Tuesday, December 7, 2010

All in Good Pun

The camera pans the cobweb-coated workroom and settles on a dried corpse puppet.  As the shot zooms in for a closeup, the viewer sees that the corpse is reading Oliver Twist.  Its withered neck twitches as its filmy, white hair glistens in the candlelight.  It flips to the last page of the battered tome and jerks its head back as if slapped.

"What?" it asks with surprise and outrage.  It inspects the cover.  "Where's the twist?"  It slams the book shut in a puff of dust.  "And I had such great expectations."  It cackles and chucks the book.  "Hello, kiddies.  Tonight's tale is one of intrigue and twists that are sure to scare the dickens out of you."  The corpse continues its monologue, flaky fingers twiddling on the table, and when it finishes, it throws its head back and cackles with delight.

I was a young teen when Tales from the Crypt aired on HBO.  It was about the only thing on weekend nighttime TV worth watching.  As I was too young to date and too broke to go to the movies with my friends, I often sat at home on Friday and Saturday nights.  Until HBO added Dream On and Arli$$, all I had for entertainment was my undead host, the Crypt Keeper.  I believe I owe my love of terrible puns to the him.  Ghoulius Ceasar, boils and ghouls, he missed his mummy.  He always made me chuckle.  When I saw the complete seasons on sale at Best Buy, I snatched them right up.

I simply head to hack the collection.

Check out this pun-packed intro and outro:


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