Fingers Crossed

Upon speaking with my immediate superior about my reservations about changing the way we teach math classes for future elementary ed teachers, I learned that the department head is reconsidering.  Everyone who currently teaches the courses, and even a few who don't but agree with us, stood up and said, "We won't teach this anymore if you ruin it."  Before you all go getting excited about the power of the people and so on, it isn't our opinion that matters. 

What matters is that the department can't afford for us to decline to teach the classes.  We badly need both professors (PhD's) and full-time instructors (master's), but the university won't give us the money to hire more people.  Qualified part-time employees are scarce and can only work so many hours before they become eligible for benefits (read "more money" = "worse than hiring someone full-time").  Some of our part-time employees are retired teachers and have to limit their hours so it won't effect their retirements. 

To add to our manpower issues, each year, enrollment increases.  Yet the university refuses to hire more people to teach the masses or build new facilities in which to hold larger classes.  People retire and aren't replaced, so the department head pulls more graduate students (including yours truly) to cover the gaps.  However, there are already plenty of classes for the grad students, part-timers, and full-time instructors to teach.  For that reason, we can say, "Screw you.  I'm going back to intro, and the professors can have the upper level stuff," without any real fear. 

While that is mean, it's highly effective at keeping people who know better from making stupid mistakes.  We sent a clear message: if you want to mess with the classes we're teaching, you need to involve us in the decision making process, or we'll leave you high and dry mofo.  Important lesson here.  In a time of being understaffed, it's in your best interest not to piss off the good people already working their asses off for you.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that the lesson is now learned.       

Walken in My Dreams

Last night, I dreamed that my friends, family, and random dream people got together and threw me an awesome birthday party.  This is odd, since my birthday is in October and I don't usually funny or even happy dreams.  We had a great time, but the cherry-on-top was that L hired Christopher Walken to do his "Soldering Iron" bit from Joe Dirt. 



It was hilarious, and when he finished, he said, "And if you don't have a happy birthday, I'm going to stab your cake...with a soldering iron."  

I look forward to the day when some brilliant person invents white out for the spoken word.  I want to tape my mouth shut so I can't stick my foot in it. 

The same goes for email.  I want to break my own fingers so I can stop myself from typing responses to people who piss me off. 

Someone, stop me before I make an even bigger ass of myself than I already have.  I seem incapable of doing it on my own. 

Slinging Poo Again

I'm insanely angry.

My mentor worked her butt off to make sure that the elementary ed math classes I teach are the types of classes that they are: hands-on, focused on concepts rather than skill drilling, activity-based.  Yes, they are small.  You can't assign homework to more than 30 or so people and have them write up full responses including why they think and do problems the way they do and grade it all.  But this is what is necessary.

Standardized testing in my state is free-response in some grades.  Children are required to write solutions and their thinking on how they solved problems, not just fill in a bubble.  So, it only makes sense to teach their teachers to do the same, to teach their teachers how to use manipulatives and drawings to gain deeper understanding into basic math, to teach them how to explain what it is they are going to teach, right?  Well, it was until now.

Now, the department head is crumbling under pressure from the provost to increase class size.  Since we can't grade 100+ people's homeworks in a reasonable amount of time, they're looking at textbooks with computer homework options.  Now, tell me: how can software grade whether someone understands where a child's thinking went wrong or that they can explain in full detail how and why we get common denominators or that they know what multiplication means?  It can't!!  It can't determine 50 different ways of answering a question the way I can.  But no one seems to care except those of us teaching the courses.  Since we're not PhDs, we have no power and our cries of warning and impending doom go unheeded. 

They want to take something that works, that's doing the job it's supposed to, and change it into something they can dump 50+ people in and shove them on through math so they can start their education classes sooner.  The toady behind the ring leader doesn't even teach the fucking classes!  He's got a master's in math ed, and he teaches the Geometry for high school teachers class, but won't touch the elementary stuff.  Maybe he thinks it's beneath him.  I don't know about that asshole, but I do know he shouldn't be changing our entire way of doing things without consulting us or the fucking RESEARCH that says that what we're doing is the BEST WAY to do it.  They've been teaching this way in China since the 70's, and we wonder why they are so good at math and we in the U.S. suck?  I mean, other universities are modeling their curriculums after ours now, but we're flushing it all.

I'm just so angry, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.  What do you do when your screams of protest fall on deaf ears?  Quit.  That's right.  If this happens, I'm going back to teaching Calculus or Trig.  Let the asshole who thinks he knows so much, who wouldn't even tell me what curriculum his wife used to home school their 5 kids, teach the damned classes.  Suck my big monkey cock!

The Old Woman Who Lived in a Vinegar Bottle

I first heard this story in either kindergarten or first grade.  I love old European fairy tales, Grimm's and otherwise.  They teach children all sorts of life truths and lessons.  There is one that is unspoken but undeniably true: Never trust a fairy.

     THERE once was an old woman who lived in a vinegar bottle. Don't ask me why. It was a common old vinegar bottle. Maybe a little larger than most, but, still, it made for a very small house. The old woman would often sit on her front steps and complain. "Oh, what a pity! What a pity pity pity! That I should have to live in a tiny house such as this. Why, I should be living in a charming cottage with a thatched roof and roses growing up the walls. That's what I deserve."

     One day a fairy happened to be flying overhead and she heard the old woman's complaint. "I can do that," thought the fairy. "If that's what she wants...that's what she'll get." And to the old woman she said, "When you go to bed tonight, turn round three times and close your eyes. In the morning, just see what you shall see."

     Well, the old woman thought the fairy was likely batty, but she decided to give it a try. When she went to bed that night she turned round three times and closed her eyes. When she opened them again in the morning ... She found herself in a charming cottage with a thatched roof and roses growing up the walls! "It's just what I've always wanted," she said. "I know I will be so happy here." But not a word of thanks did she give to the fairy.
     The fairy went north and the fairy went south. The fairy went east and the fairy went west. She did all the business she had to do. Then she began to think about that old woman. "I wonder how that old woman is getting along. The one who used to live in the vinegar bottle. I think I'll just stop round and see."

     When she got to the charming cottage the fairy found the old woman sitting and complaining. "Oh, what a pity! What a pity pity pity! That I should have to live in a tiny cottage like this. Why, I should be living in a smart row house with lace curtains at the windows and a brass knocker on the door! That's what I deserve!"

     "Well," said the fairy, "I can do that. If that's what she wants ... that's what she'll get." And to the old woman she said, "When you go to bed tonight, turn round three times and close your eyes. When you open them again in the morning, just see what you shall see."

     The old woman didn't have to be told twice. She went right to bed. She turned round three times and closed her eyes. When she opened them again in the morning, she found herself in a smart row house with lace curtains at the windows and a brass knocker on the door. "It's just what I always dreamed of!" she said. "I know I'll be so happy here!" But not a word of thanks did she give to the fairy.
     The fairy went north and the fairy went south. The fairy went east and the fairy went west. She did all the business she had to do. Then she began to think about that old woman. "I wonder how that old woman is getting along. The one who used to live in the vinegar bottle. I think I'll just stop round and see."

     When she got to the smart row house, there sat the old woman in her brand new rocking chair ... rocking and complaining. "Oh, what a pity! What a pity pity pity! That I should have to live in this row house with common neighbors on either side. Why, I should be living in a mansion on a hilltop with a manservant and a maidservant to do my bidding. That's what I deserve!"

     When the fairy heard this, she was much amazed. But she said, "Well, if that's what she wants ... That's what she'll get." And to the old woman she said, "When you go to bed tonight, turn around three times and close your eyes. When you open them again in the morning, just see what you will see!"

     The old woman turned round three times and closed her eyes. When she opened them again the next morning ... She found herself in a mansion on a hilltop with a manservant and a maidservant to do her bidding! "This is just what I've always deserved," said the old woman. "I know I will be so happy here!" But not a word of thanks did she give to the fairy.
     The fairy went north and the fairy went south. The fairy went east and the fairy went west. She did all the business she had to do. Then she began to think about that old woman. " I wonder how that old woman is getting along. The one who used to live in the vinegar bottle. I think I'll just stop round and see."

     But when she came to the mansion on the hilltop she found the old woman in her velvet chair ... sitting and complaining! "Oh, what a pity! What a pity pity pity! That I should have to live in such a drafty old mansion. Why, I should be living in the palace. Oh, yes, I should be the queen with musicians to entertain me and courtiers to bow to me. That's what I deserve."

     "Good heavens," thought the fairy. "Will she never be content? Well, if that's what she wants ... that's what she'll get." And to the old woman she said, "When you go to bed tonight, turn round three times and close your eyes. When you open them again in the morning, just see what you shall see!"

     The old woman could not wait to go to bed that night. She turned round three times and closed her eyes. When she opened them again the next morning, she found herself in the palace and she was the queen, with musicians to entertain her and courtiers to bow to her. "Oh, yes! This is what I've always dreamed of. I know I will be so happy here!" But not a word of thanks did she give to the fairy.
     The fairy went north and the fairy went south. The fairy went east and the fairy went west. She did all the business she had to do. Then she began to think about that old woman. "I wonder how that old woman is getting along ... the one who used to live in the vinegar bottle. I think I'll just stop round and see."

    When she got to the palace there sat the old woman on her throne ... sitting and complaining! "Oh what a pity! What a pity pity pity! That I should be queen of such an insignificant little kingdom. Why I should be Empress of the Universe. Oh, yes, Empress of the Universe! That's what I really deserve!"

     "Well!" said the fairy. "There is just no pleasing some people! If that's what she wants, that's what she'll not get!" And to the old woman she said, "When you go to bed tonight, turn round three times and close your eyes. When you open them again in the morning, just see what you shall see."

     The old woman hurried to bed that night. She turned round three times and closed her eyes. When she opened them again the next morning, she found herself right back in her vinegar bottle! "And there she shall stay!" exclaimed the fairy. "If she can't be happy here, she won't be happy there. For, after all, happiness comes from the heart! Not from the house!"

"God loves a terrier."

Oh, yes, it is once again time for the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.  The pomp and circumstance began yesterday, so in honor of it, I'll spend some time tonight watching the mockumentary Best in Show.  Brought to you by the same folks that made This Is Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, and A Mighty Wind, it is absolutely hilarious.  Christopher Guest, Fred Willard, Michael McKean, Catherine O'Hara, and Eugene Levy (just to name a few) star. 

The Norwich terrier that wins in the movie is a former best in show.  Cookie (Catherine O'Hara) loves her dog so much that she and her husband (Eugene Levy) write and perform songs about terriers.  Here's a clip:



It's fabulous - a must see!

"Blame it on the (bosa)NOVA"

Nerd-gasm alert!!!

Last night, I watched an episode of NOVA in which the host explored non-Newtonian fluids (think ketchup and blood versus a Newtonian fluid like water).  Check out this clip from Time Warp where the guys play with oobleck:




Of course, play isn't the only use for such fluids.  With the development of magnetorheological (MR) fluid, engineers and scientists hope to build bridges, skyscrapers, shocks, and even body armor that reacts better and more safely to adverse conditions.  Also, it's just really, really cool.  If you're interested, read the excerpt below.  I found it at http://science.howstuffworks.com/

[...] MR fluids are oils that are filled with iron particles. Often, surfactants surround the particles to protect them and help keep them suspended within the fluid. Typically, the iron particles comprise between 20 and 40 percent of the fluid's volume.

The particles are tiny, measuring between 3 and 10 microns. However, they have a powerful effect on the fluid's consistency. When exposed to a magnetic field, the particles line up, thickening the fluid dramatically. The term "magnetorheological" comes from this effect. Rheology is a branch of mechanics that focuses on the relationship between force and the way a material changes shape. The force of magnetism can change both the shape and the viscosity of MR fluids.

When exposed to a magnetic field, the particles in magnetorheological fluid align along the field lines.

The hardening process takes around twenty thousandths of a second. The effect can vary dramatically depending on the composition of the fluid and the size, shape and strength of the magnetic field. For example, MIT researchers started with spherical iron particles, which can slip past one another, even in the presence of the magnetic field. This limits how hard the armor can become, so researchers are studying other particle shapes that may be more effective.

As with STF, you can see what MR fluids look like using ordinary items. Iron filings mixed with oil create a good representation. When no magnetic field is present, the fluid moves easily. But the influence of a magnet can cause the fluid to become thicker or to take a shape other than that of its container. Sometimes, the difference is very visually dramatic, with the fluid forming distinctive peaks, troughs and other shapes. Artists have even used magnets and MR fluids or similar ferrofluids to create works of art.



With the right combination of density, particle shape and field strength, MR fluid can change from a liquid to a very thick solid. As with shear-thickening fluid, this change could dramatically increase the strength of a piece of armor. The trick is activating the fluid's change of state. Since magnets large enough to affect an entire suit would be heavy and impractical to carry around, researchers propose creating tiny circuits running throughout the armor.

Magnetorheological fluid before and after exposure to a magnetic field

Without current flowing through the wires, the armor would remain soft and flexible. But at the flip of the switch, electrons would begin to move through the circuits, creating a magnetic field in the process. This field would cause the armor to stiffen and harden instantly. Flipping the switch back to the off position would stop the current, and the armor would become flexible again.

Other Uses for MR FluidsMR fluids have numerous uses besides strengthening body armor. Their ability to change from liquids to semisolids almost instantly makes them useful for dampening impacts and vibrations in items like: Car shock absorbers Washing machines Prosthetic limbs Bridges Since it can instantly and reversibly change shape, it could also be used to create scrolling Braille displays or reconfigurable molds.

In addition to making stronger, lighter, more flexible armor, fabrics treated with shear-thickening and magnetorheological fluids could have other uses as well. For example, such materials could create bomb blankets that are easy to fold and carry and can still protect bystanders from explosion and shrapnel. Treated jump boots could harden on impact or when activated, protecting paratroopers' boots. Prison guards' uniforms could make extensive use of liquid armor technology, especially since the weapons guards are most likely to encounter are blunt objects and homemade blades.

Oh, yeah, definite nerd-gasm!!!!!

Math in Jeopardy

Maybe if Gandalf says it...

Academic Ape

A colleague, who teaches some of the elementary ed math classes that I teach, forwarded me this email from her husband, a probability and statistics expert.  For those of you in college or with children in/going to go to college, here is some food for thought:

If the purpose of a college education is for students to learn, academe is failing, according to Academically Adrift: Limited Learning on College Campuses, a book released by University of Chicago Press.  The research finds a direct relationship between rigor and gains in learning:

• Students who study by themselves for more hours each week gain more knowledge -- while those who spend more time studying in peer groups see diminishing gains.
• Students whose classes reflect high expectations (more than 40 pages of reading a week and more than 20 pages of writing a semester) gained more than other students.
• Students who spend more time in fraternities and sororities show smaller gains than other students.
• Students who engage in off-campus or extracurricular activities (including clubs and volunteer opportunities) have no notable gains or losses in learning.
• Students majoring in liberal arts fields see "significantly higher gains in critical thinking, complex reasoning, and writing skills over time than students in other fields of study." Students majoring in business, education, social work and communications showed the smallest gains. (The authors note that this could be more a reflection of more-demanding reading and writing assignments, on average, in the liberal arts courses than of the substance of the material.)

Dr. D said...

"My wife, well ex-wife, says that each time I tell a story, a little more information comes out.  Recently, I had some opportunity to discuss jobs I had before becoming a professor, and I told a story from when I was at university.  I had a job at a sewer works one summer.  I didn't have any really old clothes, so I wore the oldest thing I had, which was a white shirt and black trousers."  He laughed.  "I hadn't told her about the clothes or how much it disgusted my coworkers for me to wear a white shirt.  I only had the job a week."

We were gathered at Wings for our first ever Beforemath.  As usual, we drank beers and ate greasy sport bar food.  Near the end of dinner, Dr. D told this story, and it led to a discussion about the things we leave unsaid. 

I have heard L tell stories of going to Tijuana with his Navy buddy who liked to haggle.  In the most memorable one, his friend bargained for a marble chess board with hand-chiseled marble pieces and set in hand-carved wood.  L went back to San Diego having paid about $12 for it.  What I hadn't heard before was that he also picked up the leather wallet that he still carries.  Of course, this isn't a life-altering revelation, but as much pride as L takes in being cheap about certain things, it is the perfect ending to the story.  

"Well, at least he tells you the important things," Dr. E said.
"Yes, and you tell him the important things," Dr. D added.
I set my beer down and said, "It only matters if the person you're telling listens."  This comment got nods from around the table.

See, Dr. D's ex-wife claimed that he neglected her, and he did, but she never complained or mentioned it to him.  This was why, "I want a divorce," were the most startling words he could ever imagine coming from her, especially when they did.  Seeing some parallels between my own first marriage and his situation, we discussed this several times before his divorce was final.  For him, it was too little too late, which is unfair since she never gave him a chance until she had already closed her heart. 

Therapists say that communication is key to a relationship, and this is only as true as how much you are willing to share with your partner.  If you don't tell them how they hurt you, they can't know.  If you do, and they still don't make an effort, then at least you can say you tried.  In twenty-five years of marriage, Dr. D's wife never said anything until she said she was done.  He never had a clue. 

When I ask, he says, he's okay, which is an improvement over last winter.  He wears silly bands his daughters gave him in place of his wedding ring.  He told L, "If you love her, put your wife before everything else."  It goes both ways.  

Death by Travel Channel

I think the Travel Channel is trying to kill its hosts.

I first suspected this after seeing an episode of "No Reservations" and decided that "Anthony Bourdain Gets Drunk and Crashes at Some Random Stranger's House" would be a more appropriate name for the show.  Even if he doesn't shack up with strangers, he does get drunk in almost every episode and begins slurring about how whatever is so much better "than anything we have back in the States."  His crew follows him around as he gets wasted, and sometimes they get wasted, too.  I'm not against you getting wasted as long as you don't harm other people.  It's just that I completely expect him to end up dead from it, and the Travel Channel will have the footage to show for it.

I wanted to post a drunk pic, but I couldn't resist this!

Next, consider Andrew Zimmern.  By choice, he eats all sorts of things I wouldn't touch in my worst nightmares (rotten beef packed in beef fat...bleh!).  I cannot begin to imagine the vomiting, diarrhea, and parasites he endures.  I figure he must loose a lot of weight during and after each of his trips, and he recovers it during his off-time.  Now, he has a new show where he travels to places in the U.S. So he goes off to other countries to stuff himself with things that turn his digestive tract into a worm hotel and flume, and then he comes home to fill himself with carbs and grease.  I smell diabetes, stroke, and heart attack all over him. 

Check out the pig with the cellphone.

But, he's not the only one.  Adam Richman of  "Man V. Food" is well on his way to the grave.  He either eats so much that it must leave his stomach and guts feeling like a whore that got gang-banged, or he eats something so hot that he probably shits napalm.  He has a new show too - going around and gorging on meat with his bffs.  He's only thirty-six, but I imagine his personal physician has already thrown in the towel.

Food-gasm or massive coronary? Whatever it is, the Travel Channel has its logo on it.

Okay, so maybe the Travel Channel isn't purposefully trying to kill its hosts, but it certainly is enabling them.  I wonder if they've signed waivers regarding the health-related ramifications of their shows.  When these men finally keel over, I wonder if their families will sue for wrongful death.